living with a narcissist: the calm before the storm

Lake Tahoe, Nevada

I married a Narcissist without realizing it until the last year of our marriage. My ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), not just narcissistic traits; there is a difference! While anyone can display a narcissistic trait occasionally, NPD involves a pervasive pattern of behaviors affecting all areas of life and functioning. Individuals with NPD are enamored with an idealized, exaggerated self-image to conceal feelings of insecurity. My ex’s inflated delusions demanded considerable effort, leading to his dysfunctional narcissistic behaviors. 

The behaviors my ex consistently displayed included exploitation, manipulation, selfishness, bullying, condescension, ghosting, demanding, gaslighting, lack of empathy, lack of consideration, a need for excessive admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a sense of superiority. These behaviors appeared in all his relationships and ultimately destroyed our marriage. 

Through my research, I discovered that narcissists never stop! There is no cure. The only available treatment is psychotherapy, which helps narcissists learn to relate better with society and understand the roots of their emotions. However, someone with NPD rarely seeks help because they believe the “world” is the problem, not them. 

I empathize with anyone who has to deal with someone with NPD. A relationship with a narcissist is like the weather and a firecracker. There is calm before the storm. Narcissists can go several weeks without incidents. Once triggered, they explode like a firecracker with abusive rage and behaviors.

Unfortunately, you must distance yourself to protect against mental, emotional, and physical abuse. The narcissist’s aim is to destroy you. It is best to escape quickly if you have the willpower.

~lo